grumpy bear

Cranky day here. 

No real reason that I can suss. I got plenty of exercise. It wasn't overly warm outside or in the house. I had plenty to eat (because we all know how that goes otherwise).

I was edgy from the time I got up until late evening for no tangible reason. MS affects mood and I sometimes find myself reasoning out my edginess to figure out the root cause. For the life of me, I have no clue what was up today. Even I didn't want to be around me. The animals were wrestling (aka, slapping each other harmlessly while howling) this afternoon, but that noise was the only concrete irritant, and by then I had been sporting my crankypants for hours.

I did all my feel good things - I tried sweating it away with weights. I meditated. I walked the dog twice. I played the uke. I listened to a favourite playlist. I wrote for an hour...and that one definitely didn't help because I am in an editing stage that requires far more patience than I had today. Like light years far.

Nothing helped. And, if you know me well, you know I hate being grumpy. Hate it. I may not be a natural Cheer Bear on the outside, but I am an eternal optimist and invest a lot in the good, genuine, and silly things in life. So, being grumpy? Not my thing. And it's aggravatingly self reinforcing! Being cranky makes me cranky!

Thennnn Nance came home from work [note: she had fair warning that I was irritable and wasn't scared off] and we brought the dog to the river. Ahhhhh, right? Surely being near the water helped! Nuh-uh. I tossed Abbey's favourite toy into the water for her to retrieve but the current was too strong, it got away from her, and the toy was lost forever.

From "cranky for no reason" to "cranky for this %#$ing reason" in 1 second flat.

It's just a dog toy, I know. But it was her favourite floaty toy. And now my environmentally-minded, nature-loving self has lobbed a red hunk of rubber off into nature never to be properly disposed of. Argh!

Put me to bed, tomorrow awaits.

xo