Friday, 6 November 2015

stop pushing your muddy surfboard into my pants

Sometimes I find myself saying the most ridiculous phrases to my dog. The title was today's winner.

Close tie: "put that Santa hat down and stop chewing your brother". That she had both the cat and the hat in her mouth at once shows talent.

Thursday, 5 November 2015

rings n things

Radio silence over.

I like blogging but it's like going out for a walk in the rain - hard to take the first step. So, here I am, solo on a Thursday night, listening to the snore of one huge dog and trying to stiff arm the cat from having a nap on the laptop.

So, what's new in the life of me? I'm married! We had a great time planning the big day except for a few minor snags. The day before the wedding was less than ideal - hot HOT hot and a lot of people everywhere. It was decorating day. Their help was appreciated but I can only manage so much stress and extroverts (even the understanding, well-meaning, helpful ones) don't always get how just sitting quietly in a room full of people is extremely stressful sometimes - let alone when they're all calling your name. Add heat and my own million thoughts to process and you get me standing in the walk-in fridge repeatedly to gather myself.

Decorating day was fun with a mix of overwhelming moments stirred in. At times it felt like we bit off a bit more than we could chew and we were wondering if we had been overly ambitious in planning a wedding in a community we no longer lived in.

…but it turned into something spectacular! People genuinely seemed to have a blast. The photos tell the story of people having a great time with friends and new friends. The music was good. The food was amazing. Even the weather behaved (read: I didn't fall over in the sun). We had a ball from the ceremony into the wee hours. My wife looked stunning and I now take every opportunity to use that word. The only thing I'd change, given a time machine, would be to find more time to sit and talk to everyone. Or better yet, dance with everyone!

My shoes were well worn.

It was incredible and humbling to have so many loved ones travel to share in our day. Childhood friends to brand new friends - every face there was so appreciated. Our siblings spoke at the reception and both made us cry - touching and funny. Yeah, so, moving on because the screen's getting blurry as I think about it. They're great.

Sooo, married life is amazing. From an MS perspective, it's peace of mind for me - there's comfort in knowing that no one can question Nancy's role in my life if something were to happen to me (organ donation, cremation, beach scatter, for the record). But it's more than that (obvs!) - we have something great and it's a marker of that success. Between us, we have many certifications, medals, and honours - why not have one for our relationship? In our "non-traditional" (snicker) lives, it's a satisfying tradition to uphold - marry the person you can't live without. Would we have continued on down the road of happiness without these rings? Of course. But it's really great to have them.

Since the wedding we've been back and forth to the house (still for sale!) a few times. It's convenient to have an empty house to stay in, but boy wouldn't it be great to have it sold! We decided to actively look for tenants for the winter to try to offset some of the costs.

What else? The weather has cooled enough for me to get back into regular dog walks and that is so fulfilling. I love heading out into the world with her and seeing what fun we can find. I have needed a kick in the pants to get out more lately and the crisp air is just what the doctor ordered.

Speaking of kicks in pantseses, I've been frustrated by leg soreness since September. Not just now and then - it's a full time gig I didn't sign up for. I have some upper right arm weirdness too but it's quick spasms like that strange eye flutter everyone gets when tired - nothing too tricky. An annoyance more than anything. Every time I stand from a seated position, however, both legs are painful. I first noticed it the week before the wedding so it may be a stress-induced relapse. I also switched a few (non-MS) medications around then, so it could be related to that. Whatever it is, it's free to leave anytime!

I feel like my first few steps are those of an ancient woman - stooped, shuffling, and cringing. Not fun. Once the imaginary tin man shares his oil can, I'm fine and can keep moving without noticing it too much. It feels muscular sometimes and just plain nerve-painy other times. As I sit here and type I try to identify the sensation. It hides a little when I have the stimulation of the seat beneath me, but there it is - a deep, dull ache. I've been taking baths more than ever to try to ease it, even though I have a thorough understanding of chronic pain and realize that a bath won't hush the errant signals. Baths are soothing, though, so I tell myself to go soak for a while even when I couldn't be arsed.

I don't like to complain. No. That's not right - I do like to complain. In fact, it comes all too naturally to me but I don't want to become comfortable in complaints, so I try to keep them at a minimum. Mindfulness and all that. I share my leg pain and other symptom information for transparency. MS isn't something that only strikes me every few years in a relapse. It's distressing every day. Maybe I share those things here so I'm voicing them. Forcing myself to acknowledge MS. That said, I am very fortunate that mine is manageable. Thankfully, I haven't yet faced the big dementors of the MS world - depression, paralysis, blindness…if all I can complain about is this steady leg pain, I figure I'm still coming out on top.