Stronger than plastic

I sat for my injection tonight around 10:30.

I'm on Avonex pre-filled syringes. One a week in a quad. Alternating legs weekly.

I'm developing a strong fear of injections. At 1:15 I managed to push the #$&*ing button. I took a break in there to drink a glass of wine, but it didn't help manage my stress. Music, breathing, nothing helped.

Some nights a tiny piece of plastic and a few metal springs feel so much bigger than me. Thank whatever deity you like that this is a rare occurrence and most Fridays I feel stronger than plastic.

wormhole

Hm...

I got up at 5:20 this morning. Got myself ready for the MRI. Took a sedative. Registered at the hospital. Had a nice tech allow me to bring someone in with me (she saw the panic on my face, I'm sure, when she suggested they don't normally let people in).

Sat in the belly of the beast for around 28 minutes before having to come out again and reposition. Spine first, then brain.

Not having music was not fun, but having someone there to grab my toes was great. Nance is my rock.

This time the sedative actually worked. I wasn't as panicky as I have been other times. I guess the fact that I'm 45 lbs lighter than the last time I was shoved into the cigar tube also helps. And I'm in a better frame of mind. Overall much happier in life. So, from start to finish, the scan wasn't so bad. It even seemed shorter than it was. No one told me not to swallow (if you tell me I can't swallow I panic and swallow). No one told me not to breathe deeply. It all worked out well. I fought back some panic, but it wasn't too hard to overcome this time.

So there. Done.

...oh, and the 7 hour nap afterwards was also good.

Home for a rest

Home again, home again.

My MRI is tomorrow morning. To say that I'm a little nervous is laughable. I'm a lot nervous. I have a tiny prescription of lorazepam to calm me during the scan, but it didn't work well last time (I got drowsy after the scan), so I'm not pinning all of my hopes on it.

Nance is coming with me to the hospital. I've relied on music to get me through other scans, but this hospital doesn't offer piped in music. Bummer. At least I'll have comfort in a friendly hand on my feet.

Logically, I realize how silly MRI claustrophobia is. When I think about it, I'll just be flaked out on a table in an open tube. I can get out on either end. I'm not locked in. The scan is beneficial. Nothing will hurt me. But none of that quells the fear that rises in my chest as the wee table is rolled into the machine. Small spaces are small spaces. They all feel like coffins to me.

On a much more positive note, I had a great trip home. It was really fun to surprise the folks (even the ones with no big reactions) and made my heart happy to see my dad enjoying himself so much on Halloween. I take after him in that way - I love Halloween. The creepier, the better. None of these fluffy, friendly-faced decorations, please. He and my step-mom have more Halloween decorations than some small stores, so he and I ended up sitting on a spooky front step amidst artificial fog and assorted ghouls and skeletons, waiting to scare the daylights out of kids. [Note: no children were harmed in the making of this evening]. It was also fun to surprise mom by knocking on her door trick-or-treating and to surprise N's mom by pretending to be a dummy in her haunted house basement (N's dad pretended he had set us up while she was out shopping). Bonus vacation points for getting to meet my new furry brother, Sam.

It felt like a really quick trip and I didn't get a chance to do a few things I'd have liked to (didn't get to hike at all, see a few people I planned on visiting, or get shopping with mom), but overall I'm so glad I went.

At least I'm going into tomorrow's MRI with tons of fun recent memories to mull over.