I'm not dead, honest!

Okay, time for a frikken update. Y'all must have given up on me by now, but let me tell you - puppies are a LOT of work! (no one told me this!)

This toothy little bundle (11 weeks, 22-23 pounds-ish) is the most boisterous creature I have ever encountered. Pair that with a authoritative Siamese cat and it's a complete gong show 24/7. The silver lining is that the scrapes and cuts on my hands are healing, the trips to the backyard at 2 AM are now sliding towards 3-4 AM, and this yellow ball of fun is so adorable, she'd make Cher's heart melt. [insert glossy-eyed, blissed out puppy love gaze here]

In other news…wait for it….wait for it…I have health care coverage! I still have to do a dance and jump through a few hoops to see what kind of coverage they'll provide for Avonex, but anything is better than paying nearly 2 grand a month for 4 tiny syringes. So, much yayness on that front. I'm excited and relieved. I can't talk about it with any seriousness because I become a relieved, weeping mess, so let's avoid that, shall we?

In other other news, I've registered to walk another half marathon. The Bluenose again. I swore I wouldn't walk this route again, but by now I've forgotten how deceptively hilly it is (shh, don't remind me) and how there were zero volunteers in the Point Pleasant Park last year to offer any sort of encouragement up Cardiac Hill. There were unenthusiastic boy scouts who complained to me about being bored and grunted and pointed in the direction of the race route at each major turn. A huge contrast to the lovely volunteer who screamed at me (in a good way), "YOU EAT HILLS LIKE THIS FOR BREAKFAST!" on a small incline around the 18km mark. Love those people. If you can make me grin when I'm sweating and hungry, you are a god among men.

I'm excited to do the race this time around. Nance's sis and cousin are walking it too, so it'll be an adventure! I'm working up my long walks with no issues. Nance walked 13.5 with me this past Monday (sorry, Nance, thought it was just under 13, but I had miscalculated) and I'm not having any hints of IT band or hip flexor twinges with that distance, so I'll up it again this Sunday even though there's plenty of time to build distance since the race isn't until May 22nd. It's nice to feel like I'm at a point in my life where I have a good base fitness level. Comforting. Exercise makes me healthy in a number of ways: basic health-wise (yay for making lungs and heart work!), but moreso it reminds me that I'm doing what I can to stave off MS as much as possible. I eat well, I sweat well, I take the prescribed disease-modifying drugs, I laugh hard and often… It works for me.

Life is good.

the dog days are over...

Not really, I just like that song.

So, let's get this out of the way. I'm caught in an unpleasant spot and have to pay for my Avonex out of pocket tomorrow. Ouch. Second time. I don't want to get into the ins and outs of my insurance situation on the Internet, but let's just say this hasn't been an entirely fun week in that arena of my life. I wish I had a sense of how beneficial Avonex truly is for me. If I thought there was little risk in skipping a month, I'd happily do it until I have insurance figured out.

I'm of sound mind and body, reason clearly, and work full-time. Still, insurance companies are sketchy about coverage for me because I have this pre-existing condition. The words "multiple sclerosis" raise insurance alarm bells. There's just no way around getting my health underwritten. So. Ouch. Let's move onto happier thoughts and not think about the cost…

In much better news, I'm getting a dog! My very first puppy ever! I can't begin to explain how excited I am about it…her. I love having pets, and while Ringo's a great little companion and seems to have adopted me as his family since I've invaded his home, I really, really want to raise a fuzzy something from scratch again. So, a dog! She's a yellow lab from Greyden Farms in Ontario, where my sweet canine niece is from. I've seen some photos, but not of her specifically. I am EXCITED to have a walking partner (once she's more than three apples high, of course) and motivation to get me off my butt on chilly days when I'd rather stay in.

In other news, I'm heading home to Newfoundland for a week for my mom's 60th bash. It was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment decision but I'm happy about it. I have to work the entire time I'm home, but I'll figure it all out. It'll be good to see my parental units. :)

That's about it. Life's good, minus the insurance bumpiness. I've been snowshoeing bunches and have taken stronger steps to track my protein lately. I've had some concerns about my protein since dropping meat from my diet a year ago, but everything looks good and I easily get within my protein range every day. I'd eventually like to drop seafood completely too, but for now it's still in my diet. Ideally, I'd be vegan, but that's not happening while there's still delicious cheese on this planet. And, now that I realize that many cheeses aren't really even vegetarian, I'm trying to make better choices there too.

C'est tout!

Oh, and I'm going to see Serena Ryder, Melissa Etheridge, Arcade Fire, and U2 this year! Sweet!

Show and tell

Howdy, peoples!

I figured I'd post a few links so you can see the effects of CCSVI treatment in action. I do understand that placebo effect and the power of the mind are mighty, but some of this is truly too remarkable for me to file it under placebo. These results are measurable and observable positive changes following CCSVI surgery. Basic angioplasty. This is a quick sampling I've gathered in a YouTube playlist...there are many, many positive CCSVI videos out there. I hope you take the time to watch one or two of these. The changes in drop foot, balance, speech, and gait are worth a look.  

I don't personally believe that CCSVI is causation. I don't think it's what has created these scleroses in my head. I do think there's some sort of link, though. And if not, how is bettering your blood flow a bad thing again?

Before and after. This woman is a CCSVI advocate and you can see why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_b4X-HQ8-I

Before and after (stilettos in the after!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1fxofs5o38&feature=related

Before:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgG_eLpjX4c

After:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YZhELL__zA&feature=related

Before and after (silent but has captions):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn6p9R6fQaY&feature=related

As for me, I'm very well and happy. I'm loving all of this snowy weather and the challenge of conquering a new snowblower. I've been out snowshoeing and I'm hoping to get skiing this weekend! I'm nervous about it, to be honest. I haven't skied in a few years and have no idea if balance will be an issue for me. Keep your fingers crossed!

I am truly fortunate that my health is so stable. I don't want to take it for granted.

Much love!

Farewell, 2010

This has been one of the most emotionally challenging and personally satisfying years of my adult life.

Hm, that's not quite right, is it?

This has been the most personally satisfying year of my life.

Thanks to my friends and family for bringing so much love and laughter into my life. I couldn't ever ask for more than I have right now in this moment. I'm happy, healthy, and surrounded by fantastic, caring people. I am active again. I am joyful. 

2010's been great. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Happy New Year!

drumroll, please...

I had a doctor's appointment today. Just a routine check-up for a prescription refill. As a footnote to the visit, my doc mentioned that she had my MRI results. I hadn't heard back from my neuro's office, so I wasn't expecting MRI news and had an immediate flutterby in my throat. I'm funny about knowledge; I don't like being on the empty-handed side of it. I want to be the holder and as soon as I'm aware that it's there for the taking, I want it immediately. Those moments before obtaining information about my health (or anything large, for that matter) are excruciating for me.

But my tiny moment of panic was for naught!

My MRI, as reported by the radiologist, included no lesions (plaques, scleroses, exacerbations, flares, whatever you want to call them) on my spine. That means the ones that were there 4 years ago are…gone. (slightly teary-eyed, one moment)

[tiny intermission]

In other good news, I have no apparent signs of new lesions on my brain. That's not to say the old lesions aren't there, but hell yeah that they haven't changed for the worse or made new friends up there!

Also, more yayness - no signs of lesions in other areas such as the brainstem or thoracic spine - where very symptomatic lesions can often be found.

So, that means, assuming the radiologist's interpretation is accurate and the resolution of the MRI is enough to go on, I have no actively enhancing lesions. Everything seems to be +1.

Life is good.

Get off the couch

I'm annoyed and this is a self-serving, petty post. There's your warning.

I like Facebook. I LOVE that I can interact with old friends and watch their children grow. It's a fun little realm. Increasingly, I am wondering if sites like this prevent real activism. Change my profile pic to join the fight against x cause. Change my status to join the fight against another. How does that help? It's inaction. It's less than lip service. Really. I need someone to explain it to me.

If you want to help a cause, please do something. Anything. Slacktivism is a slap in the face to the people who work hard to make political and social change. Doctors, police officers, social workers, volunteers and real activists (the ones donating real time and effort into causes) - these people are the ones making change. Not my Facebook status on any given day.

Want to support a cause? Find a fundraising campaign. Donate your money, or more importantly, your time. Research. Become educated. Get other people involved.

If you want to use social networking tools to be a nano-activist, try supporting causes that truly benefit from increased public attention.

A jpg of a Power Ranger doesn't change a damn thing in terms of joining a fight against child abuse. Neither does me telling the world my bra colour support breast cancer.

Expend your effort. Get your hands dirty. Raise funds. Volunteer. Get off your couch or stop pretending you are helping.

Sure, I might come off like an asshole here, but I'm an asshole who raises funds and donates to causes I support. 

I sleep in on Sundays

In my last post, I mentioned thanking deities and that got me thinking…

I myself don't thank deities. Nor do I praise them.

I don't believe in God.

I don't believe in any gods.

I don't pray to a divinity for thanks, strength or forgiveness.

I don't often talk about being an atheist (in public anyway) because I don't want to sound judgmental of other people or what they choose to believe. But this is my blog, after all, so I figured I'd jump in.

It wasn't always this way. I was born into a family that (mostly) believes. Well, my mother believes. I'm not sure what my father thinks about God or gods, but if he's a believer, he's certainly not devout. This balance gave me perspective growing up. On one side, I had my maternal family. Many of them churchgoers. Good, happy people. On the other side, I had my dad who would stay home on Easter Sunday and cook the turkey and prepare the vegetables while my mom bundled me and my brother off to Mass. Dad didn't seem any worse for wear for not kneeling on Sundays. Hmmm....

The first time I remember hearing the word "atheist" was on a family vacation, and I knew from my mother's tone that such a person was in the wrong. Not on the "good guys" team. Did not wear the white cowboy hat.

I went to Catholic school. I had religious calendars in my bedroom (me, P!nk, and the Virgin Mary have the same birthday!) and I said my prayers at night. I had (and still have) two pocket Bibles. I remember being in grade 7 or so and praying to God that He give me the divine inspiration to pass a math test. So, clearly, at some point, I was a believer. In full disclosure, I still find the Bible to be a fascinating book and I have read it cover to cover several times. I don't claim to understand the bears who maul children or the talking donkey, but I don't really think about them all that much.

As I got older I just stopped believing. I didn't stop believing in the goodness in the world, I just put my faith in fact. I developed my own opinions and observations. I won't get into why I'm an atheist here, but often happily take up the conversation when asked. Suffice it to say that it's not because of any single event or person. I didn't one day wake with MS and shake my fist at the sky asking why God had forsaken me. In fact, I was an atheist long before I had MS. I simply believe in biology, chemistry, and physics. I believe in nature and the sciences that uphold it.

If I had to compare my state of mind as a believer in my youth and my state of mind about religion now, I can firmly say that I'm happier now. I know that I do good things because I want to do good things, not for fear of damnation or heavenly rewards.

People have asked me why I still celebrate religious holidays, and that's fair. Christmas is right around the bend and I will definitely be feasting on Christmas day. For me, Christmas has lost religious meaning, and, to me, that's not a bad thing. It's a time for love, acceptance, happiness and warmth. That's all anyone really needs, isn't it?

I am still awed by the structure of churches in the same way that I am awed by natural caves on the shoreline. I choose not to pray in either.

Sincerely,

a contented atheist

P.S. My injections since my last post have gone swimmingly well. No hours of frustration, just point and shoot. Life's funny that way.